williamallenpepper

Here's a blog because NOBODY else has one!

I’M SORRY: THANKSGIVING EDITION

Thanksgiving is a traditional time to stop and give thanks for all that we are grateful for. The weekend after Thanksgiving is the traditional time to stop and apologize for all the stupid things we did on the holiday. So, without further adieu, here is the blog’s annual mea culpa.

I’m sorry I chewed with my mouth open. More sorry that it turned out I was chewing food from your plate. Even MORE sorry that I put it back.

I’m sorry I hit on your grandma.

And that she’s not hotter.

I’m sorry I insisted on a eulogy for the turkey. I know now that was kind of a downer.

I’m sorry your kids were annoying me. I mean, I’m sorry I SAID your kids were annoying me…no, I was right the first time.

I’m sorry I screamed and tipped the dinner table while accusing you of poisoning me with tryptophan, when it turned out I was, in fact, just sleepy from cold medicine.

I’m sorry that yams suck. But they do.

I’m sorry that I woke everyone up at 4 a.m. Thanksgiving morning and insisted on a group hug.

And that I was naked for it.

I’m sorry that I went out and peed off the deck. And aimed it into the house.

I’m sorry that I insisted Grandpa play the opposing linebacker when I recreated that awesome football play in the living room. In my defense, his hip probably would have shattered anyway.

I’m sorry I then tackled the TV. Got caught up in the moment. Also sangria.

I’m sorry I stuffed the bird with Twinkies. I’m just gonna miss those little snack cakes so much! *sob*

I’m sorry I mocked the floats in the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. But cousin Jimmy really does look like Woody Woodpecker.

I’m sorry I fed your dog the leftover bean dip from the snack table. He looked hungry.

I’m sorry I brought Ted with me to dinner. When he said he just got out of prison and had nowhere to go, I thought he meant he got parole. I wanted to help him out. Oh well. I’m sure insurance will cover the losses. Also, who knew a SWAT team could eat so much?

SAME TIME NEXT YEAR?

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