Well, this is it.
Much like Christmas which, as that wise old sage The Grinch showed us, comes even without ribbons, boxes or bags, the new year is here whether we raise a fuss or not. This is good since, with the exception of partying all night, watching “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” (R.I.P. Dick Clark), and the New Year’s Day hangover, there is little we do as a society to commemorate it. Well, except for year-end reviews like, ahem, this one: Goodbye, 2012! Also I spent the Y2K New Years puking from the flu, so there’s that.
Anyway, now that I’ve thrown out my “Famous Figs Throughout History” calendar for 2012 and hung up my “Fun With Dish Scrubbers” 2013 calendar, it’s time to think just what exactly we’re getting into. Here are some completely off the top of my head bits of dubious prognostication with little more research that a feeble Googling here and there.
Revolution in Syria will drag on, bloody, but little changed before the end of the year. Presumptive new Secretary of State John Kerry will jump in with both feet to broker…something, but not much will happen. Greece will go broke again (it’s what they do). North Korea will attempt and fail to launch another rocket, then immediately demand something in return for the effort. If they ask, they can have the Kardashians. Also, I hear the cast of “Jersey Shore” is looking for work.
We’ll go over the fiscal cliff, eagerly and with much flair. Severe government budget cuts and increased taxes for all will screw everybody over. Partisan pundits will take turns blaming the opposing party for the mess. Obama will score a few popularity points hammering Republicans over this in the State of the Union, which will add little to change things. And…since the next Congressional elections aren’t until 2014 and the voting public has short term memory, no politicians will lose their jobs. The private sector employment rate will also remain stagnant.
The James Patterson book machine will grind out eighty-seven books which will all sell a bazillion copies. There will be another “Twilight” film but, since there are no more books to use as a template, the vampires and wolfmen (just one wolfman? Dunno.) will improv “Curb Your Enthusiasm” style. Then they’ll eat Larry David. More seriously, the next installment of The Hobbit will come out. Critics will have their carving knives ready, but will be pleasantly surprised to find it’s “okay.” It’ll sell two bazillion tickets. Saturday Night Live will remain unfunny.
My kids will continue to insist on growing up, consuming more resources, filling up more space in the house that I could be using for MY stuff and hogging more bathroom time. The blog will go on (sucks to be you). MAYBE put out another book, since In the St. Nick of Time is getting lonely on the shelf.
What’s on your horizon for the coming year?