williamallenpepper

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GUNS PRINTED WHILE YOU WAIT…AND WAIT…AND WAIT

Due to advances in technology, it is now possible to buy a printer that hooks up to your work or home computer that doesn’t just print copies of photos and documents. These printers will render three-dimensional, plastic objects. The potential is endless: machinery parts, medical devices, all sorts of things. Not surprisingly, it didn’t take long after this technology became viable for everyone for someone to get the idea, “Hey, I’ll bet we could make guns with this!” In a controversial move, some companies are trying to do just that, though, of course, they’re running into legal battles.

But there’s no chance this idea is going away. This Genie is out of the bottle and she’s packin’ heat. However, you feel about guns, making them SO EASY to get, should give everyone at least some pause. Still, I take heart in the fact that this new idea is dependent on computer technology. More specifically, PRINTER technology. And we all know how infallible the printers on our PCs are. Here’s how I imagine the inevitable call to tech support would go:

TECH SUPPORT: Hello, tech support.

YOU: Yeah, I just got your Ka-Pow Model 45095609450934939 3D printer. Works great. Already printed a toy battleship, a replacement gasket for my furnace, an artificial heart for grandpa and a new dog for the kids. Scruffy is hard to replace, but this new one is awesome. Anyway, I’ve hit a snag trying to print other stuff.

TECH SUPPORT: All right. Can you give me the model number?

YOU: I just did.

TECH SUPPORT: The model number please.

YOU: *sigh* 45095-

TECH SUPPORT: 9-3?

YOU: 9-5

TECH SUPPORT: What was it again:

YOU: 45095609450934939

TECH SUPPORT: Right. The new toaster.

YOU: Printer.

TECH SUPPORT: Whatever.

YOU: Anyway, my 3D printer prints lots of stuff. But when I try to print a Glock nine millimeter, it just comes out a big, smelly blob of goo.

TECH SUPPORT: Did you check the options window in the printer menu?

YOU: Yeah. There was all the stuff I printed, but I didn’t see Glock. I tried clicking on hardware-guns, but that just got me staple guns and construction worker muscles.

TECH SUPPORT: Ok. Are you in there now?

YOU: Yes.

TECH SUPPORT: Ok. Scroll down past Brass Knuckles, Catapult, Detonator, and garrote. HANDGUN is right above Iron Maiden.

YOU: Oh! I see it now.

TECH SUPPORT: So is this printing recreational or business?

YOU: Work is my pleasure.

TECH SUPPORT: If you click on HANDGUN, it gives you two options – “For Fun” or “For Profit.”

YOU: (clicks on HANDGUN) There it is! “Glock 9mm – Killer’s Best Friend”. That’s awesome!

TECH SUPPORT: Happy hunting, sir. Would you like to hear about this week’s special on travel-sized waterboarding kits?

YOU: Ooh! Tell me more!

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