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Monopoly pieces from etsy dot com

(Thanks etsy.com and Google Images)

America hates capitalism.

America hates rich people.

But you knew this already. Re-electing rampant Commie-Socialist-Do-Gooder-Boy Scout-Joe Biden Wrangler-Al Green Singing-Star Wars Geek- President Obama was proof of this. So is the fiscal cliff nightmare where our “leaders in Congress” (try saying that without laughing) had the gall to raise taxes on people barely making ends meet on $400,000 a year and up. Of course, that’s because the “ends” they were trying to meet were the summer home in Santa Barbara and the villa in Switzerland.

And now, we have the latest assault on the acquisition of wealth. Remember those guys up at the top of this post? Sure you do: the thimble, the little Scottie dog, the top hat, the battleship, the iron, the race car, the horsey, the shoe, the wheelbarrow,  and the cannon were big parts of our childhoods. The boys fought over the racecar; the girls wanted the horsey or the doggie; the boring people wanted the thimble; and the loser in the group got to be the shoe. Then, you engaged in a rousing, family-friendly game of trying to bankrupt your friends and loved ones. What could be more American than that?

Well, take a good, long look at that photo. Because, soon, one of your cherished, childhood friends is going to be dead. Executed, revolution style, by the “will of the people.” Hasbro, the company that sells the game Monopoly is running a contest until February 5 on its official Monopoly Facebook page where you can vote for which Monopoly token should be kicked out of the box. Then, before the corpse of this unnamed most precious symbol of financial achievement is even cold (well melted down to make die-cast D&D figures – they still sell those, right?), you can vote on which replacement token you like – robot, helicopter, cat, guitar or diamond ring. A whole array of Commie Pinko Leftist symbols crammed down our board gaming throats. Well, except the ring. What the hell is that doing in there?

“Vive la revolution!” Indeed, Hasbro. What’s next? Executing Mr. Monopoly by feeding him to the Hungry, Hungry Hippos?

Where’s the love for rich people? We used to like them. Remember Warren Buffett? Dude couldn’t understand why his secretary paid a higher tax rate than him? And Donald Trump (“You’re fired! Boo ya!). We all loved that guy!…until he apparently lost his mind, and became obsesses with proving President Obama is, in fact, a space alien (Or something like that. We try not to follow the news.) Today we’re picking on Monopoly. Tomorrow we’ll be throwing Molotov cocktails through Bill Gates’ front window – which is useless because his personal laser drones will shoot them down before they cause any damage.

And what makes this even more insidious is it’s Hasbro itself running this contest. Who got to Mr. Hasbro to make the company do this to itself? Mr. Hasbro! If you’re reading this, nod once. We’re coming to help! Just hold on! I’m just waiting for Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark and that dude who dresses up like the Green Hornet to respond my texts and we’ll pile into the Rich Guy Mobile and come liberate you! I promise.

If I can scrape together gas money.

On the other hand, Scrabble is a pretty fun game too.


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