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The author Susan Orlean worte a piece for the New Yorker recently about her “treadmill desk.” Apparently, this idea is all the rage. People still say that, right? “All the rage”?


Basically, the treadmill desk is what it sounds like. It’s a desk with a work surface set up higher so that you can stand next to it. Only, you don’t just stand. There’s a little treaddmill attached to the bottom so, while you crunch the numbers, you can crunch the cartilage in your knees as you workout.

Cardio and Computers!

Quads and Quality Control!

“I’m away from my desk. Please leave a message at the – ow, goddammit! Stich in my side!”

yes, it’s a brave new world where the few people who manage to get a job and keep it can’t even take time away to exercise for fear some fat slobs with clogged arties won’t rush in to steal their jobs – though “rushing” doesn’t seem like much of a risk in that event, does it?

Fat jokes. Classic comedy!

*clears throat awkwardly*

Anyway, the treadmill desk is an interesting idea. Makes me wonder what else we could mash up with exercise equipment. (Sidenote: “Mashing Exercise Equipment” was the worst Smashing Pumpkins tribute band ever.)

Dumbells with ink in them – Sign a contract, build a bicep.

Jump rope telephone cords – “Yes, please tell him to call me back about the Magrudder account and th-kewejmesrmemwem,!” *sound of glass breaking, body hitting the floor*

Combination coffee pot and punching bag – The second degree burns from splashing coffee will only serve to help your rhythm on the bag.

Exercise bike/filing cabinet – “Working up a good sweat. Nice sweat.” *Flip pages in the folder* “Oh, there it is. Dated last month…Augh! Stairs!” *THUD THUD THUD THUD*

Staple remover-ab cruncher. This one can double as copier jam fixer/glut worker

Well, I think we did some good today. The Europeans might work shorter workweeks and die at their desks a lot less, but we Americans will look a hell of a lot better when we keel over.

Take that, work ethic!


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