williamallenpepper

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CALZONES AND PIZZA DRONES

And dinner went down in a hail of pepperoni-fire.

Recently, pizza-giant Domino’s has been field-testing the “DomiCopter” in the United Kingdom. the “DomiCopter” is, literally, an unmanned Domino’s helicopter that delivers pizza to your door.

First, the Romans, then, uh, the Huns, then World Wars I and II. Haven’t the Brits suffered enough?

Pizzas falling from the sky. I’m pretty sure I had a dream like that once…per day. Large, airborne machinery. Piping hot pizza and NO NEED TO TIP ANYBODY OR EXPERIENCE ANY HUMAN INTERACTION whilst my food gets cold.

If only I lived in the UK.

Here’s how I think it might go:

You: Yeah, hi, Dominos, I’d like to order a medium pepperoni with extra cheese.

Dominos: Fine. That’ll be $16.95. The DomiCopter will be there in thirty minutes or less.

You: Domicopter?

Dominos: Yeah. In half an hour, a heavily-armed and armoured, aerial pizza-assault vehicle will bring your pie, tasty and piping-hot.

You: Well, I don’t know, it’s kinda late. The noise could wake the kids…

Dominos: Do you want your pizza or not?

You: Um, okay.

(Thirty minutes later…)

Your Kid: Dad, the windows are rattling.

Your Dog: BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!

You: Squee! Pizza-time

Your Kid: Dad, the DomiCopter took out the Hendersons’ F-150.

*Knock Knock *

You: Who is it?

DomiCopter (cold, metallic tones): Domino’s. Eat. Pizza. Now.

You: Thanks!

DomiCopter (steel door sliding back from a small panel from which razor-sharp pincers emerge): That pizza isn’t free, sir.

After you manage to fork over the cash with trembling fingers, DomiCopter has one more request:

DomiCopter: Can your toaster come out and play?

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