williamallenpepper

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THE LONE RANGER STARRING…JOHNNY DEPP???

So, the big Fourth of July blockbuster this year is another resurrection of an old TV show. Know what it is (no fair cheating by remember what the title of this post was)

Wonder Woman? (That’s way overdue.)

Nope.

Archie and Jughead?

Nuh-uh.

The Flash? Daredevil? Hawkman? Aquaman?

No. No. No. No. And WHY THE HELL NOT? (Though Aquaman was always the weakest link on my favorite cartoon as a kid, The Superfriends.)

It is THE LONE RANGER

*crickets chirping*

You know The Lone Ranger. Lawman of the Old West. Wears a mask. (No, I don’t know why either). Rides a horse named Silver. Hi ho, Silver! Fights rustlers and train robbers and what not. The movie is sure to be filled with majestic landscapes, train robberies on horseback, intense gunfights and pwerful steeds riding for justice.

And it stars JOHNNY DEPP. *swoon*

He’ll make an awesome Lone Ranger! He’s tall and handsome and …

Wait..What?

Johnny isn’t playing The Lone Ranger? But he’s getting top billing on the ads. Who the hell is he then?

Tonto?

The Lone Ranger’s Native American sidekick?

But Johnny’s a white dude…

No one seems to care, though. They’re all OHMIGOD! JOHNNY DEPP IS IN A MOVIE! TALKING! AND MOVING! TALKING AND MOVING TOGETHER! *Drool uncontrollably* *collapse to the floor in a puddle of filth*

Do you even know who’s playing THE LONE RANGER?

Armie Hammer.

(Stop giggling)

I’m sure Armie Hammer is a fine actor. They gave him the title role in this summer blockbuster. But from the advertising, you’d barely even know he was in the damn film. It’s all about Johnny Depp. I don’t even know what the plot of the movie is. The commercials are just Johnny doing quirky Johnny-things with a dead bird on his head.

I don’t really think Johnny Depp or even the producers of the film intend to slap Native Americans in the face by putting a white guy in the Tonto role. I’ve read stuff with Johnny Depp saying his portrayal of some weird paintings this guy did of a white guy portrayed as a Native American. Depp says he wants, in his own way, to play this part to combat stereotypes. Johnny Depp is just weird enough for that to be believable.

I just think it’s interesting how the promotion of this movie has gone; a movie called The Lone Ranger with almost no acknowledgement of the title character.

I suspect the movie might actually be pretty good. Of course, I thought the last big July 4th Western blockbuster – Wild, Wild West – was pretty good too.

What say you, movie fans?

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