RUNNING OF THE BULL*!@&
My four-year-old recently discovered my volume 1 box set of classic Looney Tunes cartoons. A particular favorite at the moment is the one where Bugs Bunny, failing to take that left turn at Albuquerque, comes up out of his rabbit hole in the middle of a bullfight. Bugs proceeds to vanquish the bull in a variety of comically violent scenarios. My kid eats it up.
When I was a kid, the “Garfield” comic strip. (Remember Garfield? Fat, cranky, lasagna loving, Monday-hating cat who, in the seventies and eighties was on every damn item of merchandise everywhere including, but not limited to, tampons and cruise missles? Yeah, that one. Yeah, that strip is still running. No, seriously.)
Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, right. So, Garfield ran a strip where Garfield comments that someday he’s going to run with the bulls in Pamplona. Then the last panel is the punchline: “Then I’ll write a book called “The Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Done’.”
I bring this up because I don’t get bullfighting. I also don’t get the whole running of the bulls thing in Pamplona, Spain every year. What is the point of this…sport? Game? I dunno…weird, bizarre animal torture fetish with souvenir keychains?
And the reason I bring that up is IT”S COMING TO AMERICA!
*Trumpets blare. Children wail. American society decays just that much more*
The same people who brought you the great bull run in Pamplona are bringing the…well, whatever we’re calling this thing…to Richmond, VA on August 24 and Georgia in October.
But surely, no reasonable person will go for this right? It’s cruel. And dangerous. And reckless.
So, it seems 5,000 people have already signed up in Virginia.
About as many are expected in Georgia.
In a country where Congress shuts down the government every other day because they don’t agree on what to order for lunch, where entire cable networks rise up to espouse one point of view, where no one agrees on ANYTHING, five-thousand knuckleheads have agreed that running like maniacs through the streets while a bull tries to gore you is something we should all get behind.
The thing hasn’t even happened yet and events are already planned for Texas, Florida, Illinois, Minnesota, California and Pennsylvania.
I don’t even…
I need a drink.