williamallenpepper

Here's a blog because NOBODY else has one!

THERE GOES MY SATURDAY

So, I read this recently.

Turns out physics is not your friend when it comes to tipping cows in the meadow, or anywhere else. Except two-for-one-night at the local pub. Those cows can’t hold their liquor worth anything. The scientists say cows are just too damn heavy and cows are too wary to let you get that close. (They don’t really sleep standing up. I do though. I sleep-write too. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Cheeseburger-boobies. ZZZZZZZZZZ.)

Anywhere, where was I?

In other disappointing animal revelations, we here at Blog-Zoology labs have concluded after exhaustive study that you can teach an old dog new tricks. The only problem is it’s hard to find a bunny that will come out of a magician’s hat on a dog’s command.

You CAN herd cats. But you have to know the secret code word.

*Antidisestablishmentarianism*

*Which is also the longest word in the English language*

*Look it up*

*I’ll wait*

You can lead a horse to water and you CAN make him drink. BUT thoroughbreds will only drink with this spiral-ly silly straws kids drink chocolate milk with*.

*So do I*

It’s true that elephants never forget. Never.

EVER.

You’d do well to remember that.

You can shove a camel through the eye of a needle, but they don’t like it very much.

Suck it up, camels.

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