SPECIAL REPORT: EVERYTHING WANTS TO KILL YOU
What’s the point?
Why even risk walking out the front door?
Everything wants to kill you.
Louisiana is warning residents about a brain eating amoeba called naegleria fowleri . Specifically what they’re saying is, don’t get water in your nose, but, hey, it’s cool if you drink it. Probably. The amoeba travel through the nose to your brain.
But, um, isn’t the mouth connected there too? Oh, well, drink up, Louisiana.
Recently, here on the blog we reported how scientists have concluded that people with chocolate allergies are really reacting to cockroach parts in the chocolate, not the chocolate itself.
Pesticides in food give us cancer. Also plastic, cigarettes, and the sun.
Our food gives us heart attacks too. Beef. Cheese. French fries. Deep fried Snickers (that one totally caught me by surprise).
Medications come with a list of side effects so long and comprehensive, it must have been written by lawyers.
Reported cases of nut, wheat and other allergies continue to rise.
Caffeinated drinks are available everywhere, even though caffeine totally messes with your heart rate. Also, fructose corn syrup is the nutritional equivalent of the Crips and the Bloods from West Side Story.
Every other driver on the road is texting while driving. Or blogging. (My bad, dude in the blue minivan.)
Oh and terrorists . There’s lots of those.
From the time you walk out of the womb (What? How’d you come out?) something, somewhere is looking to do you in. The older you get, the more likely that thing is to succeed.
All right then. Have a great day!