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I totally control my wife.

*pauses to listen intently for the wife to fire up her iPad, which is really hard to hear, let me tell you. But important to know. God. So. Important. Nothing. Good. She’s not reading this.*

So, it turns out I can change the course of my wife’s thinking. The other night, in passing, I said something about wanting a cookie dough shake from a local, favorite ice cream shop. It wasn’t a serious idea. it was couched in some witty conversation we were having – neither of us need the calories. In my head, I immediately moved on….

….apparently right into her head

TWO HOURS LATER, she said, “Thanks to you, I’m craving cookie dough shake now.”

The power of suggestion, friends. Fear it.

I tried to fix it. She also said, she was thinking about chicken nuggets, specifically a photo she had just seen. I asked if it was the one of that icky, pink slurry fast food places squish into nugget form . (That would be why I never order nuggets anymore). it was.

“Perfect,” I suggested. “Just imagine a cookie dough slurry shake.”

She wasn’t buying.

“Well, then how about a shake with a chicken foot stocking out of it?” (We were watching a cooking competition where “pre-cooked” – no trained chef worth his salt would stoop to raw chicken feet, friend – chicken feet were a necessary ingredient.)

She wasn’t buying that either.

Apparently, my powers do have limits…

This is disturbing.

I’m not giving up though.

Right now, I’m bearing down, putting all my concentration into willing my wife to let me have a Ping-Pong table. I’m gritting my teeth, straining with every fiber of my intellectual prowess.

I will have a Ping-Pong table.

Or a massive turd.

And now all you’re thinking of is giant turds.

The power of suggestion…


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