williamallenpepper

Here's a blog because NOBODY else has one!

ICELANDERS SCOFF AT THE SKIN OF OUR TEETH

A growing body of experts on global affairs is coming to the conclusion that America’s status as a superpower, the last remaining superpower in the world (which is a little like being the last of the Time Lords…okay, it’s not, but I’m contractually obligated to get a Doctor Who reference into every blog post) is slipping.

I’ve been skeptical. We buy more stuff than anyone else in the world. Eat more cheeseburgers.  Tweet more politicians’ crotches than any other country.

Of course, Americans can be a tad arrogant to. It would be good for us to remember now and then the old saying: Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.

A good sentiment. A worthy thing to remember. No one of us is better than anyone else.

Unless, of course, you live in Iceland, where they hear about us walking around in other people’s shoes and scoff at American wussies.

Because there, in Iceland, they walk around in other people’s skin.

Shoes are optional.

Here’s how it works…

You know, if you’ve got some free time on a Saturday.

At the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery & Witchcraft. They have the only pair of intact necropants (as far as they know) in the world.

What are necropants?

Glad you asked.*

(*Not glad you asked. Still having nightmares. May God help me. And you. But mostly me.)

necropants

So, your best friend dies and his body is buried. You go out and dig him up (as one does), flay the corpse in one solid piece from the waist down and then wear your dear loved one’s lower body like a pair of Dockers. Place a coin in the scrotum and something something good fortune something. I stopped listening after stick a coin in the scrotum.

Apparently this was a big thing in the seventeenth century, back when they knew how to party. In fairness, this was long before the outlet mall was invented. They did what they needed to do and they were definitely not sissies.

Hear that, America, Iceland was kicking our ass centuries ago.

Then putting our defeated ass on top of its own ass.

Thanks, Obama.

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