You roll over, groggy, but intrigued. Yet, you simply can’t eat another bite. With the last of your strength reserve not already re-routed to digesting calories, you manage to say:
“OH PLEASE, DEAR GOD, NO MORE FOOD. EVER.”
You slump into a whipped-cream and tryptophan induced stupor that even the unholy din of Black Friday shoppers can’t disturb.
Well, no one told you to eat a whole Dutch Apple pie, did they? Yeah, cousin Mike dared you, but cousin Mike is an idiot.
Was it cousin Mike’s idea to down an entire bottle of Bailey’s Irish Creme? Proud of yourself? Remember your name?
The good news is Baileys is expensive,which means you won’t be drinking much from now on given that you maxed out your credit card on Black Friday sales and bail money after you punched out that Scout troop. But, hey, you got the last copy of “Super Mario: Stock Fraud Mastermind”, didn’t you?
And now, the long holiday weekend is over. The pilgrims back in the day were sick of scurvy, pneumonia and malnutrition. Your family is sick of you. You’re sick of Deviled eggs (and you don’t even like Deviled eggs – but they were there and your mission was to eat all the things as the staff at the Denny’s off the Interstate will attest.)
Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for all that is good in the world. So, other than the fact the holiday comes but once a year, what are you most thankful for?
Rest up. Less than a month until Christmas break. Or as we like to say: Debauchery Round 2.