SEAHAWKS, BRONCOS AND GROUNDHOGS STOLE THE QUEEN’S MONEY
The last couple weeks brought a confluence of oddly animal-themed news. The Seahawks battled the Broncos in the Superbowl, from which the [INSERT WINNER HERE. WINNER UNKNOWN AT THE TIME OF WRITING. ALSO, DON’T REALLY CARE.] emerged victorious. I don’t really give a fig about either team, or football in general, but I at least had an idea what was going on Sunday.
Unlike, say, the poor groundhog dragged from his hole to play the dancing monkey for the folks of Punxatawney and the vessel into which we could pour our collective winter ire, whether we appreciated his prognosticating or not.
Then there was the news that the Queen of England is going broke. While not, strictly speaking, an animal story, there’s definitely something not of this world in that gene pool. Just sayin’.
Side note: What exactly does the royal family do? Do they have jobs or something? And what is Queen Elizabeth spending all that money on? Surely the mortgage on Buckingham Palace is paid off by now. Maybe Rent-A-Center is calling in the debt on the throne.
Side note to the side note: Does the Queen really sit on a throne? Like in a big room, a throne room? I mean, a throne room that’s not a euphemism for the bathroom? Does Prince Charles have a smaller, less ornate throne next to hers? What about Harry and William? And baby…whatever his name is?
What was I talking about?
In other animal news, one of my cats is on valium. Seriously. He was fighting a lot and peeing in bad places (sort of like John Boehner but with less of a tan – HA! That’s FREE comedy.) For a few days after we started giving it to him, he basically just stared into space and slept a lot. I mean, even more than usual. So we cut his dose. Now, except in the few minutes leading up to getting his soft cat food treat that goes with the medicine, he’s way mellow. I sort of envy him.
Still, I can feel superior to the lesser species around me. I certainly don’t need to medicate myself to fell normal.
Well, that’s about it for now. Time for a beer…