Here's a blog because NOBODY else has one!


Presidents are like lawyers and dentists. Everyone hates all of them except their own.

Some presidents are presidents AND lawyers (e.g. Obama) or dentists (Rutherford B. Hayes. What? Shut up. You don’t know if he was either.)

Point is, respect the office all you want, chances are most people don’t like the current Oval Office occupant at any given time. This suggests – if you squint really hard and apply alcohol induced logic, that presidents, as a collective, have a LOT to apologize for.

So let the presidential purging begin!

I’m sorry whoever orders the boxes of M&M’s with the presidential seal also thought I need presidential seal underpants. You know, so I can be identified in an accident or something. Makes my mom happy though.

I’m sorry Bill Clinton got more action than me.

I’m sorry I didn’t eat even one of those pardoned turkeys.

I’m sorry for all that stuff I did that you hated. Except that one thing. Unless you want me to be sorry for that too. Whatever. It’s cool.

I’m sorry that whenever I spoke at a rally in your town they made a bunch of you stand right behind me so the cameras were always on you and you had to pretend to give a damn what I said.

I’m sorry I never used the presidential helicopter to moon Congress.

I’m sorry Air Force One doesn’t have more barf bags, but not as sorry as the presidential cleaning crew. Double sorry for you folks.

I’m sorry my handlers wouldn’t let me wear a three wolf moon t-shirt to even ONE press conference.

I’m sorry for my vice-president. Just on general principles. That dude’s creepy.

I’m sorry so few of the state dinners we hosted at the White House included Tater-tots. I loves me some tots!

I’m sorry we failed to balance the budget….but not that sorry.

I’m sorry I ended every State of the Union with “So who wants to go get drunk?” Excuuuuuuse me for trying to foster bipartisan unity.

I’m sorry my idea to remodel the Oval Office into a Dodecahedron Office was deemed “impractical” and “expensive” and “stupid”. That’s the sort of narrow-minded thinking that undermines our greatness as a nation….poopy-heads.


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