williamallenpepper

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FASHION VICTIM

I’m not sure about the basic cable landscape currently, but a while back, fashion shows were huge. Everything from contests to design high end fancy duds to cheap ways to look good. The shows all featured PROFESSIONAL CLOTHING-TYPE PEOPLE speaking very earnestly about lines and hems and color contrasts and which pant (always singular; never “pants”, you pathetic hick) goes with which shirt. They wept openly over the agony of picking the right jacket to complement a v-neck or crew cut collar.

I regarded these shows the same way I look at cooking shows, which are huge now. Food porn does the same thing the fashion shows did. Cooks and judges speak so eloquently about the ingredients and the texture and the presentation and plating of the food and on and on. No one on cookimg or clothing shows ever just says,”nice shirt” or “Yeah, those eggs were tasty.” They all need to read epic poems about their feelings on the subject of food and clothes. If C-Span infused as much effusive blather into its broadcast day – as opposed to the dry, robotics monotone it normally broadcasts in – C-Span would be the highest rated cable network.

I bring all this up because for whatever reason, I’ve been thinking about my relation to clothes this week.

Why do people flock to stores that primarily sell merchandise with their own store’s logo on it? Not to single them out, but Old Navy comes to mind. Think this through,people. You’re paying for a shirt that says “Old Navy” then you walk around wearing it. You’re a human billboard. You paid for a shirt AND gave Old Navy (or whoever) free advertising on your dime.

Weird.

In other news, my daughter is eight. While not yet a teen obsessing over her wardrobe, there are troubling early warning signs. Getting dressed in the morning is taking longer and longer. Lots more frustrated sighs over the quality of leggings in her drawer. Lately,she has taken to cinching her t-shirts to avoid looking “baggy”.

It’s only going to get worse from here isn’t it?

And me? My day job wardrobe is pretty decent. I can put a tie and shirt together pretty week. I have a reasonable sense of taste. My free time wardrobe does consist largely, if not exclusively, of a Doctor Who t-shirts. Dinner out probably involves boring khakis and a shirt that doesn’t have a TARDIS on it.

Not great. Not bad. Just not naked.

Which, we can all agree, is a good thing.

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