williamallenpepper

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THE ELUSIVE NOW

“What time is it?”

“About five minutes ’till dinner.”

“When do you want to go?”

“Whenever.”

Your sometime might be now, except “now” doesn’t like to sit still.

Sitting in your office, watching the clock until quitting time.

Waiting for your kid’s dance lesson to be done so you can go eat.

Tweeting while you stand in line waiting to buy the snacks you’ll take to kill time on your road trip.

We never just live in the moment, never experience the NOW. There’s no WHAT’S NEW? in our NOW. There’s only WHAT’S NEXT? If there’s any chance time won’t move at whatever speed we think it should, we look for things to fill it with.

You know how when you’re a kid it seems like it takes FOREVER for your birthday to come around? Or Christmas? Or summer vacation? When you’re young and have all the time in the world, you can’t wait to get to the next thing. Thing is, that feeling never goes away. Not completely. Swap waiting for Disneyland with waiting for that flight to the company convention to land and being an adult isn’t all that different than being a kid. Well, maybe the food’s different. Except Cheetos. I still kind of enjoy a good Cheeto.

A while back, I casually mentioned to a colleague that I wished it was Friday already. He thought for a moment, then responded, wistfully, that I shouldn’t wish my life away. The guy gives off a vibe of someone who’s been through some shit, came out clean on the other side somehow and is content to let life do its own thing now. There may be something to that. I don’t know. If I could stand to sit down quietly for a few moments, maybe I could figure it out.

It’s hard to appreciate watching the grass grow while also not letting it grow under your feet.

Wow. That’s weird.

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