A CUT AND PASTE WORLD

Matthew Gödel, a famous logician (a philosopher, not like the people of planet Logopolis on Doctor Who – ding, obligatory Doctor Who reference of the week!) says mathematical concepts are basically real things that exist in their own reality and can’t be changed. If so, that’s why no matter what different beliefs people all over have, we all agree how math works.

Others, like Oxford philosopher Nick Bostrom, who have run with that to say that in the far-flung future, some mathematician must have figured out a way to use that math reality to create a computer simulation. And all of us are living in it. Right now. Whenever our geeks figure out some new math problem, that’s just us finding another piece of that computer code. Now, some scientists somewhere are trying to figure out how to detect this simulation – the one we haven’t even figured out how to make yet.

So, nothing is real. Or, more to the point, reality is a construct of some future computer programmer.

I think this is awesome.

Two reasons.

One, this idea is really just an offshoot of my long-held theory that all of us on Earth are just living in a big terrarium belonging to some space alien kid. We’re a school science fair project due on Monday and thrown together Sunday night. Therefore, my insanity narcissism super-brilliance has been confirmed. That’s always nice.

Second, if everything we take as real was just created by some future nerd, that means IT CAN BE CHANGED. Whatever problem we’ve got now, we can just call tech support and with a few key strokes (or telepathic brain control, whatever) it’s taken care of. I’m picturing a bald, blue guy in a plastic suit from the classic Star Trek series, sitting on a sound stage with cardboard rocks and a computer the size of a Winnebago deciding for us whether we as a society want to focus on the Kardashians or global warming. Hmm… Decisions, decisions…

Here’s a few things, other than the Kardashians, I would suggest be done away with. It’s nothing personal (well, sometimes it is). Just tweeking the system to make the world a better place for me for us all to live in.

Congress. We need one,  I guess (job security for C-SPAN), but let’s chuck out the one we got and replace everyone with a random Powerball-type lottery. Can’t be any worse.

Money. How screwed up has society gotten in the chase for more dollars? How much easier would life be if we just bartered for everything? This relates to politicians too. We worry about the influence of money, especially secret donations, on politicians. If, to get a Congressperson to vote for a new hog confinement lot in your district, for example, you actually had to walk into the capital and hand over a sow, everyone would know what you’re doing. Transparency in government would literally be thrust upon us like a squealing pig.

Pajamas as work-wear.

Stores that aren’t bookstores. We do need stuff other than books (shocking, I know), but I don’t want to have to go get it. Food, clothes, booze should just show up on your doorstep.

Telemarketers. I know we have the Do Not Call list, but it almost seems like since that thing was created, I get more annoying calls than I did before. If I wanted your product, I’d call you. Period.

Here’s something we don’t have, but need. I know a lot of people now binge-watch entire seasons of TV series to catch up. That’s great, but I don’t even have time to do that. Make me something that feeds those shows directly into my brain.

Cauliflower. It’s icky and unnecessary.

On the Island of Misfit Toys, there’s a squirt gun that squirts grape jelly. Instead of getting rid of all the guns and missiles and bombs, let’s have our programming overlord just make them all squirt jelly instead of bullets/shrapnel/nuclear stuff.

I’d swear that I had another couple paragraphs of wise world improvements, but I guess I deleted them.

Or did I??????