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Archive for the tag “the moon landing was fake”


So last week with a swing and a miss, Earth was spared the type of epic, total destruction of life as we know it that normally would be heralded with a speech by Morgan Freeman.

Remember how scientists always said there was virtually no chance of a huge asteroid colliding with Earth? Well, take that, scientists. Came pretty damn close this week. Guess the weather forecasters got some new blood to sit with them at the loser’s table.


Once I crawled out from under the dining room table and took off my tinfoil hat (hey, it’s not just to keep out the aliens) I cranked up my solar-powered radio (What? You don’t have one? Go ask at Radio Shack.). I was shocked to learn that my planet had not been destroyed. Despite the hype, it was just an epic Asteroid 2012 DA14 fail, friends.

You win this time, scientists.

Sure, the scientists said all along that asteroid probably wouldn’t hit us, but they left just enough doubt to keep up from walking away from the tv for a potty break (The tinfoil hats also come in handy here. If you’re ever invited to my home – and this is important – never go into my hall closet.) This asteroid came closer to Earth than any other asteroid that wasn’t in a video game ever has. But mass destruction? Blotting out the sun with a dust cloud so big it, uh, blots out the sun?

None of that.

There was that meteor in Russia. (Coincidence? I think not. Pretty sure those guys who faked the moon landing are involved.) That had some promise for dinosaur-level destruction. Big shock waves blowing out windows and such.

But, no….A little property damage is all. Sweep it up, call out the contractors to replace some windows. Ho hum.

Humans have been trying to wipe themselves out pretty much since the first one crawled out of the ooze and stumbled over a Tonka fire truck left at the top of the stairs. (Damn kids) But we’re still here.

The universe steps in, tries to help out by hurling a giant celestial bowling ball at us. But instead of a strike…gutterball!

And we’re still here.

I’m sure there’s something profound to be said here, but I’m not Morgan Freeman.


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